jarrodwhaley.com

I make films. I'm also a nerd.

Archive for 2012:

Do A Little Quick Googling Next Time

Digital sample rates and sonic wave frequencies are not the same thing, you schmuck. It’s sad how much work went into this piece given the completely false premise at its foundation.

Buy a Vowel, M.R@N

There really ought to be some kind of thought put into the names of products. Things are getting just a little bit silly out there.

Hey, I have an idea. I’m going to start a dating service for idiots. It’s called DUMeBASSLyOvE.me. Hello, $billions!

Put Up And Shut Up

Let’s recognize the fact that no beautiful thing was ever created by anyone who decided that he was just like everybody else. No one ever invented anything while striving toward humility. Agreeability is nice at a party, but nothing is ever built at a party. Gregariousness is pleasant, but pleasantries are the antithesis of the kind of willed friction that work requires. An inventor hews a trail across a solitary island. And when he connects the islands of an archipelago, he does so because he can. An inventor is not antisocial. An inventor is extrasocial. 

 

Snowflakes In a Furnace

Among the data coming back from NASA’s MESSENGER probe and its study of the planet Mercury is the (somewhat) shocking revelation that there are pockets of ice on one of the hottest surfaces in our solar system. The probe has photographed many craters which have sides that are never exposed to the sun–and since Mercury has no atmosphere, those shadowed areas are at incredibly low temperatures given the surrounding surface’s 750° F hellscape.

It gives me hope to know that even in the hottest of hells, something cool can survive.

It’s Time To Get Real About Doodoo In Advertising

Here’s something that pisses me off: blatant scatology in television commercials. It’s out of control.

Here are some cartoon babies filling diapers with caca:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMeeP-5NN2g&w=560&h=315]

Here’s a cartoon bear with TP stuck on his ass:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBNcQgkXEWE&w=420&h=315]

Here’s an “honest discussion of what goes on in the bathroom”:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD0nTCQEECg&w=560&h=315]

Hahaha, these politicians are fartmonsters, LOL:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka7S0R9dhGg&w=420&h=315]

Give me a fucking break. Am I going to go out of my way to avoid buying any of these products? Hell yes. How’s that for a consumer reaction, you dumb shits (pun very much intended)?

…Becomes a Flood

Now Schumer is also expressing concern about employers requesting Facebook passwords.

Ugh, Adobe (redux)

butt ugly

The mind reels at the thought that Adobe–a company almost wholly devoted to the sale of software for creative professionals–seems either unable or unwilling to hire a graphic designer. Behold this icon. No, Adobe, “doo-doo brown” is not a pleasing color for an icon.

Granted, I don’t wish to say that the above Adobe Ideas icon is the worst piece of crap that Adobe has excreted. That dubious distinction belongs to another.

Tacocopters

Let’s put aside the unbelievably awesome concept for just a minute and check out this gem from Star Simpson, one of the company’s co-founders (emphasis mine):

Honestly I think it’s not totally unreasonable to regulate something as potentially dangerous as having flying robots slinging tacos over people’s heads … [O]n the other hand, it’s a little bit ironic that that’s the case in a country where you can be killed by drone with no judicial review.

OK, now back to the concept. I want taco-delivery via flying robot right now.

The Biggest News of All Time

Stop the presses. It turns out that the world will end before May 27th. According to the great Ronald Weinland (“sent by God as His end-time prophet”), Western economies will completely collapse, leading to World War III and the end of “man’s self-rule” on Earth. All in about two months. Pretty ambitious schedule, there, Ronald. I mean, God. I mean, Ronald.

A quick observation: history is replete with so, so many great men…so many grand prophets selected by the holy Lord…named Ronald. Ronald. It doesn’t at all sound like a fucking clown’s name.

Did Wal-Mart Buy Private User Data For Marketing Purposes?

Well, this isn’t shady. No, not shady at all.