I make films. I'm also a nerd.

Hot Sauce Review: Who Dares Burns, The 2nd Assault

I got an opportunity to try a potent hot sauce last night, and it knocked me on my ass. Who Dares Burns! The 2nd Assault! is possibly the hottest substance I’ve ever encountered. Let me put that remark into context by saying that I’m no wimp when it comes to spicy food; I’ve been known to munch fresh habanero peppers the way other people eat popcorn. Go give that a try while considering the fact that this sauce nailed me to the wall, and you’ll begin to get some vague idea as to how hot the stuff really is. The label specifies that one drop is enough to substantially heat up a pot of chili. It informs us that this sauce is to be used only in recipes; it is not meant to be consumed on its own. It must be diluted. You get the idea.

I put about ten or twelve drops on my pork chop at The Vine in Niles, CA1, paying little heed to our waitress’ warning. I’ve been a bit desensitized to such warnings, because they’re often offered by a person who can’t handle the heat of a single black peppercorn. This warning was legitimate2. Within a second of my first bite, it felt as if someone had taken a blowtorch to my lips. My eyes watered. My throat closed. I can never explain to you how hot this sauce is. It’s just one of those things you’ll have to see for yourself. The “pain” keeps returning in waves, even after you’ve finished eating. Every minute or so, there is a new wave of searing burn.

Maybe you don’t like to eat these sorts of sauces. That’s your loss.

  1. The food there is amazing, by the way, and somehow strangely affordable. Recommended. 
  2. The waitress later told us that she’s seen people ruin their dinners with this sauce before, that they have literally run screaming out of the restaurant. These tales seem a little exaggerated, but I more or less believe them.