I make films. I'm also a nerd.

Posts in culture:

Put Up And Shut Up

Let’s recognize the fact that no beautiful thing was ever created by anyone who decided that he was just like everybody else. No one ever invented anything while striving toward humility. Agreeability is nice at a party, but nothing is ever built at a party. Gregariousness is pleasant, but pleasantries are the antithesis of the kind of willed friction that work requires. An inventor hews a trail across a solitary island. And when he connects the islands of an archipelago, he does so because he can. An inventor is not antisocial. An inventor is extrasocial. 


It’s Time To Get Real About Doodoo In Advertising

Here’s something that pisses me off: blatant scatology in television commercials. It’s out of control.

Here are some cartoon babies filling diapers with caca:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMeeP-5NN2g&w=560&h=315]

Here’s a cartoon bear with TP stuck on his ass:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBNcQgkXEWE&w=420&h=315]

Here’s an “honest discussion of what goes on in the bathroom”:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD0nTCQEECg&w=560&h=315]

Hahaha, these politicians are fartmonsters, LOL:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka7S0R9dhGg&w=420&h=315]

Give me a fucking break. Am I going to go out of my way to avoid buying any of these products? Hell yes. How’s that for a consumer reaction, you dumb shits (pun very much intended)?

The Biggest News of All Time

Stop the presses. It turns out that the world will end before May 27th. According to the great Ronald Weinland (“sent by God as His end-time prophet”), Western economies will completely collapse, leading to World War III and the end of “man’s self-rule” on Earth. All in about two months. Pretty ambitious schedule, there, Ronald. I mean, God. I mean, Ronald.

A quick observation: history is replete with so, so many great men…so many grand prophets selected by the holy Lord…named Ronald. Ronald. It doesn’t at all sound like a fucking clown’s name.

Is it a joke? It had better be a joke.


Fun Fact!

Johnny Mathis–ever the prankster–would always cut two versions of each song he recorded: one for the record, and one in which all the nouns in the lyrics were switched to “fart.”

SOURCE: Wikipedia

Cause or cure?


Somebody hire me, so I can quit being this snarky.


Peter Travers speaks, and thereby invents Light.


Three pullquotes on a banner ad for Drive–all of them from Peter Travers. That must mean it’s a good movie, because Peter Travers is in no way a ridiculous joke of a man. But I guess we knew it was a good movie already, right? The title has like, double meanings and stuff.

My favorite thing about this pathetic ad: Travers’ star rating is in quotation marks. He literally uttered the sound of stars. Peter, thou art Lord.

Advice For Dreamers

What is the proper course of action when it comes to dreams? Not even dreams, really, but self-realization? If you want to be a given thing, should you work toward that end tirelessly and always assume that tireless devotion will get you there? Or should you “man up” and take a job scooping dirt out of holes, telling yourself it’s only temporary, and try in your few, dejected, quasi-dirt-stain-free hours to better yourself?
As painful as the starvation and misery which come with the former scenario will be–as hard as it will be to look people who ask you “why don’t you just go scoop dirt and make an admittedly meager living, and eat ramen instead of nothing?”–the only course of action, if you’re who you say you are, is to starve and to strive. Maybe a few people have fought upward from dirt-scooping, but operating a dirt-scooping company is no one’s dream.

There are two possible outcomes in any given life: living a dream, and living a nightmare. Don’t mistake living a comfortable nightmare for being a better outcome than living a painful nightmare. Nightmares have no qualitative gradients. Nightmares are nightmares.

Fighting for a dream will probably lead you to a nightmare, but there’s no way to get to a dream without fighting for every little scrap of dream-like experience.

Fight. Hard.

The Coming Wave of Goiters in America


This is something Ginger Carden and I talked about in our podcast, but it’s a thought that keeps on nagging me: we are all about to get massive, burstingly purple goiters. How? This fascination with sea salt. Look, I’m as into fancy gourmand salt as the next foodie, but do you really want a balloon for a throat? Morton Salt Company began iodizing their salt in 1924, and practically no one has had a goiter since. But no, screw that, we’d rather look like we’ve swallowed a tire (warning: not a particularly fun photograph).

Sometimes processed foods are OK, dammit.