I’d like to look longingly sideways to an alternate existence in which some intelligence—artificial, or otherwise—parses information before it is directed toward our eyes, and throws away all of the garbage. It scans our data feeds and then hides snarky, pointless whining from us, favoring considered thoughtfulness instead. It values informed opinion over idiotic knee-jerk logorrhea. It privileges hard-won expertise over bullshit armchair prophecy.
On this alternate plane, there is no Internet.
Have you ever felt as if time were speeding up as you get older? Richard A. Friedman has some good advice in the New York Times:
Don’t despair. I am happy to tell you that the apparent velocity of time is a big fat cognitive illusion and happy to say there may be a way to slow the velocity of our later lives. […] It’s simple: if you want time to slow down, become a student again. Learn something that requires sustained effort; do something novel. Put down the thriller when you’re sitting on the beach and break out a book on evolutionary theory or Spanish for beginners or a how-to book on something you’ve always wanted to do. Take a new route to work; vacation at an unknown spot. And take your sweet time about it.
The second you stop learning, you start dying.
The New York Times‘ Science page, as a method of demonstrating basic artificial intelligence (and also presumably in the spirit of pointless fun), has published a browser-based game of "Paper, Rock, Scissors" in which you try to best the AI program running on their server. Don’t say I never gave you a way to procrastinate.
WARNING: It’s a Flash-based game.
There’s something about the desire in every living thing to find comfort in the entropy of stasis.
An ex-con wants to go back to prison, because it’s the only world he knows. A cat wants less and less to escape a house. Change is scary because it throws out the wisdom we’ve gained in experience. We’re innocent and naïve again. Everything we know is for shit. Our time before now, wasted. There’s something of this in everything that lives–in everything which has the capacity to know.
This is fantastic. Is it a hoaxy hack? A massive crowdsourced joke?
These folks really brought the kid out of my girlfriend.
Once the loud, slightly messy procedure was done we were given moist towelettes and a $5-off coupon to The Sizzler, where we had hamburgers and I got two refills on my soda. […] All in all I recommend the Abortionplex for your post-conception life termination needs. The restrooms were clean and we got a coupon to The Sizzler.
UPDATE: It looks like, predictably, a bunch of “yelpers” faked this page out of enjoyment for an article from The Onion.
…finally, from Engadget’s RSS feed. And it feels good.
- “HTC SWERVE HD XT2 3D with Beats Audio and a Can Opener”
- “Samsung Galaxy Sii “Wind” 4D Touch Lite 2.7″
- “LG BrickWad 9”
- “Sony-Ericsson p19m8JnkOMFGh9187”
- “Sony-Ericsson p19m8JnkOMFGh9187 3D HD PCP LSD”