jarrodwhaley.com

I make films. I'm also a nerd.

Posts Tagged ‘assholes’:

Apple Cuts iPhone Production, Says Noted Con Artist

Hayley Tsukayama, shoveling B.S. for The Washington Post:

Apple shares took a dip in early trading Tuesday, after an analyst report claimed that the firm is planning to cut production of the iPhone by 20 percent in the second half of the year.

As CNBC reported, analyst Brian Blair of Wedge Partners said in a note that the firm has cut smartphone production by a fifth — planning to make between 90 million and 100 million rather than an original projected range between 115 million to 120 million. The cuts, the report said, include production for the iPhone 4S, iPhone 5 and as-yet unreleased (and unconfirmed) next generation of the iPhone.

What if I could just lie through my teeth and say that Apple was going to sell zero iPhones next year? The stock would go down, and I could buy it up at a bargain price. Then, when Apple sells 15 bajillion phones back in Reality World, I’d get really rich. Hmm… If only people were stupid enough to fall for my transparent manipulations of both their minds and their markets…

Surprise, Surprise

I’m assuming that you’ve all heard about Sean Parker’s nuptial ‘Fuck You’ to nature, California, and humanity already. This little tidbit, however, seems to have gone without much notice:

The Coastal Commission checked out the area on May 1 after receiving a tip about the construction in late April. Two days before the wedding, Parker signed a settlement agreement that allowed the wedding to go on.

Let me get this straight. A billionaire shitmuncher (who made his billions, incidentally, by A) facilitating widespread theft and B) doing cocaine with the right people) decides illegally to build a bunch of ugly crap in a rented grove of ancient, endangered redwoods. He is found out before the planned event. He is permitted to carry on, so long as he coughs up a little somethin’ somethin’ ($2.5 million). Shithead wins, world loses.

There’s nothing at all that surprises me here. I’d offer some wish that he be met with justice, but of course “justice” only happens to poor people.

PayPal, Please Kiss My Ass

You may have heard about PayPal’s recent changes to their User Agreement, which include a clause prohibiting their customers from taking part in any future class action lawsuit against them. This change feels a little shady to me, even if it appears to be a trend among large American corporations these days.

It turns out, as Shawn King illustrates, that there is a way to opt out of the amendment in question. It involves sending an actual, physical letter, because that’s more difficult for you. PayPal is classy like that.

My form’s in the mail.

The Future Is Retro

And I’d recommend checking it out if that link didn’t point to one of those damned idiotic pageview-pimping “slideshow” articles.