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I make films. I'm also a nerd.

Posts Tagged ‘bullshit’:

Apple Cuts iPhone Production, Says Noted Con Artist

Hayley Tsukayama, shoveling B.S. for The Washington Post:

Apple shares took a dip in early trading Tuesday, after an analyst report claimed that the firm is planning to cut production of the iPhone by 20 percent in the second half of the year.

As CNBC reported, analyst Brian Blair of Wedge Partners said in a note that the firm has cut smartphone production by a fifth — planning to make between 90 million and 100 million rather than an original projected range between 115 million to 120 million. The cuts, the report said, include production for the iPhone 4S, iPhone 5 and as-yet unreleased (and unconfirmed) next generation of the iPhone.

What if I could just lie through my teeth and say that Apple was going to sell zero iPhones next year? The stock would go down, and I could buy it up at a bargain price. Then, when Apple sells 15 bajillion phones back in Reality World, I’d get really rich. Hmm… If only people were stupid enough to fall for my transparent manipulations of both their minds and their markets…

The Game Begins Again, Again

So, Amazon has announced a couple of updates to its line of tablets. Just as is the case whenever any new tablet is announced, tech journalists are falling all over themselves to draw a chalk outline around Apple’s corpse. Check out Tim Carmody’s dumbly titled (only for the page views, bro!) piece, “Amazon to Apple: the game starts now”:

Ultimately, Amazon’s strategy here is to avoid engaging with Apple on Apple’s terms. If or when Apple launches an iPad Mini, it may blow Amazon’s devices away — but at least it will be on ground that Amazon, not Apple, helped to create. Still, you can imagine Apple’s marketing team preparing for another round of ads already: if it isn’t an iPad… it isn’t an iPad.

Great article. Except for, you know, the fact that “the game began” 2.5 years ago when the first iPad was released. Apple “carved out” the ground, and then Amazon stood on it while slapping together a crappy piece of “me-too!” garbage. But OK, whatever, yeah, these new Kindle Fires are the 9,006th and 9,007th tablets that are finally going to murder every iPad owner and burn their faces with white-hot Ninja Fire. It’s a fact! A history-erasing fact!

Look, to be fair: Amazon is definitely doing some things the right way–such as attempting to focus on ecosystem and not CPU clock-speeds–and Carmody’s article basically wants to tell that story. Unfortunately, that story is completely coated in provocative bullshit designed to make fangeeks angry, and thus click a link, and thus be advertised to. It’s seedy and gross, and it casts a bad light on whatever The Verge and other tech publications might publish.

Actually, I think all of our commercial news outlets work like that. Screw obvious truth, here’s some inane gibberish, watch this ad. It’s no wonder we’re a nation of drooling idiots.